You might have seen a theme to many of my posts in the past year: I turned 40. For me, turning 40 was kind of a big deal. It’s a big deal because it is a turning point, at least for me, in perspective. But it has also been a turning point in my motherhood, because all my children are now on the planet. One of them is entering teenager territory. Another is following fast in his footsteps. And my youngest child, my baby, is turning 3 next week. Having two adolescents in the house and closing in on eliminating diapers from my Amazon Subscribe ’n Save list forever has me a little disconcerted, truth be told.
The latest addition to my midlife pivot? I took a job. I am now Editor-at-Large and a regular contributor for a relatively new site called The Mid. The Mid was launched with some very impressive, talented, creative people behind it, and I could not be prouder to be part of that team. It’s devoted to “life in the messy middle” – basically, my people, the GenX parents of now who are leaving their 30s and facing The Rest of Their Lives.
Are you in the Mid? I am. Let me tell you how I know:
1. I see commercials for Activia and I think, “I wonder if I need that?” and then I think, “Nahhhh.”
2. My (young) hairdresser high fives me when she only counts three gray hairs. I try to match her enthusiasm, but then I say, “Wait. Is it, like, an accomplishment to only have three gray hairs?” Because… that’s depressing.
3. I find myself squinting at the television or at menus, and the two competing thoughts duking it out in my head while I squint away are “Squinting causes wrinkles!” and “Why can’t I see that better?” and I am not sure which one worries me more.
4. I’m eating half as much as I ever did before I turned 40 and I’m not losing weight. Every Cadbury mini egg is like the silver bullet of belly fat death to me now. Boo.
5. When I go to Target, I walk right past Xhilaration and Mossimo and head straight to Merona. Merona is now where I live, and I am okay with that.
6. But I am NOT old enough for Chico’s yet, so just back away with your travel-friendly, unnaturally wrinkle-free drapey clothes, friend.
7. I love my husband, but I would pretty much knock him down with both elbows if either Adam Levine OR Jake from Sixteen Candles appeared anywhere in our vicinity.
8. My first thought when I look at shoes is, Are they comfortable?
9. I need anti-anxiety meds just to take phone calls I am not expecting. If my children’s school calls, I need them to tell me right away that nothing has happened to my kids. If my parents call, I need my mom to tell me right away that nothing is wrong with my dad. If my friends call out of the blue, I no longer suspect they are going to tell me they are pregnant; instead, I worry they are going to tell me they have cancer.
10. Songs like “Landslide” make me cry, not just because of my own aging or my children’s, but mostly because of my parents’.
11. I’m pretty sure that I am having a Netflix-fueled midlife crisis. First, I watched every Friends ever and relived my college days and twenties through the evolution of slipdresses, overalls, ribbed turtlenecks, and face frame haircuts. Then, I dove right into an orgy of Alias and all the Jennifer Garner (and, hi, Michael Vartan AND Bradley Cooper in the same show) awesomeness I could handle, all the while trying to pretend that Scandal isn’t totally ripping off Alias‘s mommy issue storylines. Now, Jennifer Garner and I both have baby bumps that are never going away. Jen, I feel you. It’s the Cadbury mini eggs, in my case (oh, and the babies. all the babies).
12. Instead of spending Sunday mornings hungover and watching Lifetime movies in bed all day like I did in my twenties, I spend Sunday mornings hoping When Harry Met Sally might be on TBS so I can recite every line, usually completely un-hungover. But let’s be real: I can never watch anything uninterrupted anymore.
13. I have embraced a skincare regimen and eyeliner, two practices I successfully avoided far longer than I probably should have, though I am not good at either.
14. I feel like Kevin Bacon and I could totally talk about mutual friends over a long dinner.
15. I love the Internet and technology and I even love social media, but it all still scares the crap out of me a bit.
16. My husband and I have running mental lists of movies our children need to see and books they need to read before they grow up. My list includes To Kill a Mockingbird and Dead Poets Society; his Tommy Boy and Fletch. I think we have covered all the bases.
17. I don’t care if he won an Oscar. He will always only ever be Jordan Catalano to me.
18. I used to worry about being a failure. Now I worry about Alzheimer’s and cancer, but not necessarily for myself.
19. I am continually surprised that my parents look older in person than they do in my head.
20. I no longer fantasize about looking like Hollywood actresses. Instead, I fantasize about being as funny or badass as Amy & Tina. But even if I am not, I am just glad they are.
21. High school and college reunions have ceased to be events where everyone is assessing each other or analyzing relative achievements or BMIs. Now, everyone seems genuinely just happy to see each other and be together. We have grown up. We no longer care about comparing. We are parents, and we get it now: life is hard, and we are lucky to still have the people who knew us when we were young to remind us of who we were. We cherish those people for being witnesses to our youth and for knowing parts of our stories we would otherwise forget.
22. How fast it is all going feels both energizing and paralyzing. I want to live in the Right Now, but I often feel swept up in all the details of daily life. I find comfort in knowing others who are in this place with me.
So if you too are in The Mid, come check us out (on Facebook, too!). And say hi. Because I don’t know about you, but I have decided that this life of mine is all about people and connections and kindred spirits, and I am always happy to find another person who says, “Me too.”
I loved this, Allison, and loved seeing it right here on your blog! 😉 I could relate to every single one of these.
Me too.
Thought I haven’t changed a diaper in ten years, I am most definitely in The Mid, with my children needing less help and my parents needing more.
I love your new digs at The Mid and so happy that you found a perfect place for your talent.
Merona and comfortable shoes all the way, my friend.
Congratulations, Allison! And you have nailed it!
I am loving the The Mid right now – the site and even the stage of life. Congrats on taking such a lead role in it. Loved this list. And so glad overalls and Birks are back in style. #the90s
I am way past The Mid, but I can still relate through my own children now and what I remember from my own years during that time. I just substitute different movies, books, and stars. The thoughts are the same. You were just a teen back then. I remember!
Congratulations on your new role at The Mid. It is well-deserved and I cannot wait to see what you do there. As for this list, YES to all of it. I laughed out loud at #6. We’ve still got another 20 years before we shop there, right? RIGHT?! Good stuff here, Allison.
Me too! Something about being in the Mid makes me yearn for a community. I want to know that all these changes aren’t just happening to me. Thanks for normalizing it!
I always love your writing, so congrats on your new position and I can’t wait to read more.
Yup, all of this. I nodded vigorously with each one. Are you saying that the menus haven’t gotten smaller? Because I’d like to keep believing that’s the case. 🙂 Excited for your new position and the Mid. Congrats!
Thank you, Shannan! I’m patiently waiting for you to send some material!
i relate to SO many of these. Congrats on your new job! I’m already seeing The Mid everywhere!
Thank you, Leigh Ann! And thanks for sharing!
YES to all of this. I’ve been here (The Mid) for ..five-ish years now. The best part, imo? Not giving a shit what anyone thinks anymore. It’s very freeing. Also, the comfortable shoes can be nice and the glasses make people think I’m smart. 😉
Congrats! Can’t wait to work with you.
Thank you, Rachel! And I agree on the glasses. I am still working on the not giving shits. I figure I just got here; there’s time for me to learn. I am a quick study. 😉
Me too; I can relate to many items on your list. I’m so proud of your accomplishments but can’t help but imagine an 11 year old sweet little girl who lived a few houses down the hill when I think of you my dear!
I’m not QUITE there yet, but I’ve got one foot in the mid and one that still has a toddler tugging on it at all times. Regardless, I’m so excited for you and loving the concept. And I think “three gray hairs” would have been a celebration for my hairdresser when I was about 27. These days it’s all about how many weeks I can go between appointments to cover them all up – and that number is shrinking rapidly. 🙂
Congratulations on your job! I’m definitely in the Mid:(. I’ll heart Jake Ryan forever! I too am addicted to Netflix and it really is disrupting home life. Can I make a recommendation? We just finished Bloodline (with Kyle Chandler, AKA Coach Taylor) and it is fantastic. I want the whole world to watch and shower Kyle with Emmys! Finally, Chico’s…I don’t know, their display windows at our outdoor mall are starting to intrigue me. Pretty stuff… But still, I haven’t been able to bring myself to venture in.
Me too! Congrats on your new role- and I’m right there w/ you.
I know I already commented on Facebook, but it was a short one. 🙂 Re: the “Me, too” aspect: I love that feeling of reading something and then nodding and thinking, “My people.”
Congratulations Allison! The site looks amazing and this is spot on. This thing is going places 🙂
Thank you so much for this article. You put so many of my jumbled thoughts into words and made them make sense.
Me too. To many of these. Congratulations on your new position, Allison.
Loved these, Allison. Congrats on The Mid!
Nodding vigorously over here. Especially re the shoes and just dressing practically altogether. Ain’t got time to get fancy! And don’t care.
So true! Especially #8. This applies to more than shoes for me now…
I’m looking forward to checking out The Mid!
When did you sneak into my brain! This is exactly how my brain thinks and how life has turned out for me since I turned 40! Yay!! I’m not alone! Thank you!!
I love this!!! I will be 41 in May and I can definitely relate. The only difference is my oldest baby (a girl) is now 21 and out of the house and my two boys are 14 and almost 16. This article said it all. Just like the movie “this is 40”. My husband and I could relate to that movie on so many levels…. it was scary. Lol.
ME TOO!!! 🙂
Love this post and what you are doing with The Mid. So exciting that you and Jill will continue to work closely together.
Congratulations! Excellent post! Look me up when you reach my decade lol or if you’re brave enough, you can check out my blog! Embrace this time. It starts to go faster every year.
“He will always only ever be Jordan Catalano to me.” So true!!! Me, too 🙂
Hi Allison! Discovered your blog today. I like it! Amazing how we all go through sameness in life! Thanks for making me giggle at 8:05 p.m. even though my entire being is exhausted, and not totally sure I’m awake. Hope to catch ; )) you again soon!
#13 and #16–ME TOO! Those two had me talking to the screen but really, all of this is very familiar.