Truth: Three is my least favorite age.
Everyone always talks about the “Terrible Twos,” but I have never taken issue with 2-year-olds. Two-year-olds need to fire their publicists. Sure, they can be irrational, impulsive, or indignant, but, really? They’re just babies stretched out into slightly longer bodies. I could forgive their tantrums because they didn’t have much control over their communication skills yet. I could understand their impulsive behavior because they genuinely, and obviously, couldn’t control it.
At 3, they can communicate better, and they can control themselves more. They just choose not to. They choose not to, and they might just give you a figurative middle finger every single day of their threenagerhood.
So. Much. Worse.
At 3, you think you are beginning to see the light. Your diaper-changing days are close to over, if not in the rearview mirror already — and that’s a good thing, because changing a 3-year-old’s diaper is not unlike changing a small adult’s. You can send a 3-year-old confidently to preschool, and at the end of the day, you get cute kid art in return. Three-year-olds are funny on purpose. They have points of view. They can hang. The problem is, they more often use their powers for evil, not good. And they direct them at you.
My most recent 3-year-old was my youngest boy. My formerly sweet mama’s boy — my little shadow and my constant buddy for every day of 36 months — turned 3 and promptly began to hit me when I denied him a desired object. He yelled, “You’re going into TIME-OUT, Mama!” He bolted in parking lots and didn’t even flinch when I used the primitive Mama Bear Voice to stop him. He refused to sit in a stroller, but he wouldn’t walk like a civilized person. He became stuck in Nap Purgatory and woke up at odd hours, all the while fighting naps and bedtimes. He drew on the walls and the furniture even though he could repeat to me on command that we “only draw on paper.” He sneaked food and tossed water bottles back at my face in anger because they were not juice. In short, he was a very short terrorist. The oppositional defiance is still strong in this one, even at age 6. But it was at age 3 that he joined the Dark Side, following in his brothers’ footsteps, and he only somewhat returned to a sweet version of himself when he went to Pre-K. I literally counted the days until he turned 4.
I’m not saying the threenager is all bad and no fun. Every age has its magic, and this is no exception. There is something special about that change from baby to full-fledged personhood that happens to 3-year-olds — that entrance into the world of free will and assertion of opinions and thoughts of their own. It’s a wonderful, necessary transition. It’s just also an absolute pain in the rear to parent. I’m not exaggerating when I say one of the things I am excited to know now that I am done having babies is that I only have one more threenager coming down the pipe. She could be a doozy, though. Pray for me?
Parents of threenagers, look at this as a test run for the real thing still ahead. If you can survive a threenager, you’ll probably survive at least the eight subsequent years. I’m making no promises about your chances with 13-year-olds, though. They scare me.
Good Luck momma! I am also the mother of 3 boys and 1 girl. The girl, at three, was worse than all the others. And I had 2 (twins) three ear-olds the first time. Buckle your seatbelt!
Seatbelt: buckled! I know you are right!
My youngest actually held off until four years old to turn on her “magic,” so maybe you have some time.
LOL, I think I might want to get it over with sooner rather than later!
Thank you for sharing. I must admit that I chuckled several times while reading your post, as your experiences have been my reality for the past year or more. We have two four year old boys, bittersweet.
It is bittersweet! Thanks for reading.
Forgive the language, but I’ve always joked with my sister “Forget the Terrible Two’s! It’s the F*ck Me Three’s that you really need to watch out for!” Aside from the rebellion and public meltdowns (“MOM! Don’t hit me again!” when I’d never spanked him up to that point. Things changed!) — there were the nap face-offs, the intentional pooping in his diaperless pants, and the Evil Mommy Pacifier Taking Monster that needed to be punished, whatever the price. I wouldn’t send him back for anything…I’m utterly smitten!
Totally. The FM Threes. Intentional pooping was implemented here as well. Sigh.
Awesome! I am down to having a “baby” that’s about to be six, so it’s been a while since the threenage years, but this rings so true. Scarily, oldest is well on his way to real teenage years (only one year to go) and already I am very, very afraid. The mood swings are something to behold and he’s definitely going to be taller than me before he even hits teenager. Still, every age has its moments of wonder and amazement, even as the fear sits in a small space at the bottom of my stomach always 😉
I agree, I’m afraid of the real teens! But yes, every age has its beauty, I totally agree.
A-to-the-Men, sister. And for all the reasons you listed. Three was a verrry long year with both of my boys. But four? Five? Six? Delicious. (Hmm…my daughter won’t be three until February. Does that mean her antics are going to get worse? Egad!)
Five is my favorite age! Please let me know re: your daughter. Thanks. LOL.
ooof, im not even at 2 yet!!!!
Deb, so much to look forward to! 🙂
I remember that stage well! My younger son adorable yet so strong willed at 3 years old would impulsively run off in pursuit of whatever caught his fancy just because he wanted to and stopped napping pretty much at his 3rd birthday! Love your humor and perspective about everything. In case it’s helpful my sister Vicky Keston shared some tips for handling the terrible twos through “fun” fours on our parenting blog at http://gooseling.com/2013/08/19/surviving-terrible-twos such as offering your child two choices, like blue shirt or red shirt, bath with bubbles or without bubbles.
Thank you for the link! I find the choices method to work for my kids once they get past the manic-jerk stage of being 3. LOL. Thanks for reading!
I’m so not scared of teenagers. But oh dear god, threenagers terrify me.
Miranda, I’m not scared of other people’s teenagers. Only my own. And I think fear of both threenagers and teenagers are healthy fears to have! Ha!
Hilarious. My first didn’t do much of this till 4 but exact same terrorist behavior. My daughter is not much younger than yours, I believe, and holy hell am I scared of her terrorist year. From 15-17 months she’s been downright terrifying with the tantrums. My babysitter was all yep, you escaped all this with your first. Welcome to having a girl. The drama! Looking forward to her giving me much material to write about. 🙂
You will survive. I promise. Just remember that there is no reasoning with a terrorist. 3 year old. However, it is important that you mean what you say and that you follow through on it. A professor once told our class, if you tell a child that if he does (whatever) you are going to break his arm, you need to be prepared to do it because he will try you out. BEFORE everyone gets up in arms, this statement was not made literally. Think before you speak and brush up on your ability to ignore rather than escalate. If you get into a battle you will lose, one way or the other. Love, consistency, and quiet strength are what they need most. I have had kids tell me, a former teacher, “I wished my parents cared enough to punish me or ground me.” You are the parent. As such it is our responsibility to grow them into independent adults who contribute to society and that starts in the cradle. This CAN be done in love. They may not like you sometimes, but they will eventually understand.
You are so right on this one. My kids were angels at two. We never had any terrible twos in our house. I didn’t know what people were talking about. Then the threes hit and there was an immediate difference in attitude (bad attitude that is). But like you shared, all things do pass. I hope your baby girl passes through this period without defiance. But I doubt it. I think you know what is coming. Enjoyed this.