In the picture

About two and a half weeks ago, I submitted a post to the Huffington Post Parents page, where I am a registered blogger, that I titled “The Mom Stays in the Picture.”

It was a post I had thought about for a while. In fact, I had written about it on my private, anonymous blog a few years before. However, when I first started thinking about how moms don’t like to get into pictures, I will admit that I didn’t take my own advice seriously. My vanity still won out whenever a camera was pointed in my direction. I had written a little about it before, but it hadn’t actually changed my heart or my behavior.

Then, in late September, my moment of clarity really came when my little boy asked me to to take photos in a photo booth with him at my niece’s birthday party. In my moment of hesitation, my thoughts finally sank in and I finally saw the truth of what I have been doing almost my entire mothering career: I was not only avoiding pictures; I was literally trying to make myself invisible because I was ashamed of the way I looked. In the process, I was denying my children a part of myself — a part of their mother.

If every picture tells a story, then I have kept myself out of my children’s stories. It is not fair to me or my children. It will change.

Needless to say, in the weeks since I wrote about my moment with my son, combining thoughts I had before with a newly personal and powerful urgency, my life has changed. Not only did I get in the picture quite literally and in a very public way, but I also pulled my writing out of anonymity and decided to write under my own name from now on. Both are a big deal for me; both make me feel naked and vulnerable.

The stories, comments, emails, tweets, and most of all, the pictures that both friends and strangers have sent me have been powerful, humbling, and emotional. They have shown me the power of words and the power of mothers. They have inspired me to start this blog under my own name, to devote more time doing what I love. I hope to write as much as possible, and I hope you will come along with me on this journey. It’s already been a wonderful and crazy ride. I’m no longer invisible or anonymous, and it feels both scary and thrilling. I cannot wait to see what happens next.